Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
