I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
