insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
