Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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