i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
