we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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