The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
