Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
