Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
