bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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