Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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