Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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