I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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