Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize