She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
