I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
