ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
