The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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