All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
