sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
