i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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