This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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