For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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