Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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