She announced her abortion via fbk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
