Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
