i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
