I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize