So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
