In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
