had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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