he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize