she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Are we still banned from the library?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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