I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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