He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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