I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
