Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
as a side note pls kill me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
