He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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