There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
