There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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