No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
