you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
