My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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