i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
