if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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