i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize