she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
