It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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