Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
