That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
