Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How does it feel to date your dad?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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