I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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