i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
