Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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