2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
