She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize