My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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