you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Panties = found
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
