just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
