Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
