i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
