our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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