Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize