i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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