just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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