Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
